As many people may or may not know, there was an inquiry and process with the Lookout Arts Quarry about whether or not they felt comfortable hosting Recess in light of the current concerns and the departure of the 3 members of the team. I, and Justin, have been in process with the Quarry for weeks. And, ultimately, Northwest Recess will happen at the Quarry. But, only thanks to a lot of commitment, time and energy on the part of Islando, myself, Justin, S.E.A.T and quarry members. All parties agree that there is still conversations to be had and work to do. I wanted to share with you Justin's letter to the Quarry. I have been in process with him for months, I will admit that I cried when I read this letter from Justin to the Quarry.
This whole 8 month conflict has been the most difficult, intense, complicated, and confusing thing I've ever dealt with. I'm sorry if my words came off as dismissive of the concerns and issues of those who left. I don't feel that way at all; on the contrary, nothing could be more important to me that the feelings and wellbeing of my closest collaborators. Despite not having personally heard from everyone who left Recess or having a clear solution for how to make everything better, I believe that I have a good idea about what they are upset at. I think there was a general feeling that their voices were not being heard, listened to, or given sufficient space on the team. I think they felt this both in our group processes, our organizational structure, from me personally, and to an extent from Ely. While it's certainly more complicated that this, I see this as accurate and can understand why they are upset. There were many ways that I could have and can do better at listening. I needed to have more patience and faith in group and interpersonal process, to create space for facilitation without being outcome driven, and to establish better organizational structures that would have given more agency to each individual team member. I needed to make the organization as a whole more responsive to the needs and desires of contributors and community members at every level. For years I have been aware that not everyone on the team felt like their voice was valued equally. Although I have put much care and attention into changing this, the departure of three organizers has been a wake-up call for me. Our attempts were clearly insufficient. If Recess is to continue, more is needed. I acknowledge that I am a difficult person to say “no” to, that my excited and sometimes stubborn personality is difficult to confront, that me being the “founder” and the person with the most work equity, social capital, Recess history, social connections (continue long list of organizational privileges) only compounds the problem, and that gender issues play a role. Ely and I are the two most confident voices on the team as well as those with the most capital and history with Recess. We are also both male socialized and male presenting. This created an uneven power dynamic in which the femme organizers were disempowered from the start, and which we did not adequately compensate for through formal organizational structures or by accommodating our communication styles to their needs. I see that Recess has been largely seen as, and that I have treated it as, "my show", despite many people putting time, energy, and love into it. I don’t want it to be “my show”. I want it to be a show shared by those who invest their care and labor into it, and despite my intention to share it, I have not been as successful as I've needed to be. This failure has had profound consequences for my community. I care about them deeply, not just as contributors but as my closest friends, and it is tragic for me that I failed to do better. For the Recess next week, we are committed to a lot of specific changes. We have an appointed safety person who is a non-cis-man, non-organizer, who has unquestionably the ultimate decision around safety. Our hopes is that this person will be removed enough from the finances and running of the event that safety concerns will be adequately addressed. We have had community members come to us interested in stepping into needed leadership roles, of which we are excited to weave into the event. I have also committed to numerous ideas of how to personally step back, distribute leadership, improve team responsiveness, and lead and push less. I have new understanding of the way that I can be a better director, leader, and team member. This includes better listening, removing myself from the facilitator role, and maintaining a vigilant awareness of my tacit authority over those with less operational power. Many of the difficulties and hurt at Recess historically happened in high-pressure moments. This event next week has been designed to intentionally require less effort from all involved so that there will be fewer of those moments. In having a simpler artistic and size vision, we hope to free ourselves up to give more care and attention to each other, our own process, the needed community weaving and process, and our commitment to doing better and listening more. In terms of a future “way through for Recess", Ely and I are less sure. This has been a learning experience for us; our many lessons as a team; our new realizations and lenses. We have a clearer understanding of the mistakes we were making, and new ideas and commitments of how we can do better to serve the community and those we care about. However, the specific future of Recess is confusing and complicated in the midst of this community-wide conflict. We are uncertain whether Recess will continue, and whether Recess continuing is the best answer to this conflict. We have a long list of actionable changes within Recess. If that is of interest, let me know and I can share that work with you. Thanks again for your time and energy. I see it and appreciate it, and recognize that it is not clear nor simple. Justin Comments are closed.
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Erin AdamsActivist, dancer, anarchist, writer, feminist, bird-nerd and fiercely loving friend and ally to all things small and overlooked. Archives
August 2018
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